Saturday, February 16, 2008

This is a new begining for me and I'm not sure what I'm doing. Perhaps it's because I feel vulnerable that others might read what I say, but then it really doesn't matter because you don't know who I am.

Ok, I am a 60 something with the mindset of a 30 something and a body to match so sometimes I feel as though I am having out of body experiences and wonder how I got to this point. I really don't understand the fascination that 20 something males have for me, but they can be fun. Sometimes this is quite liberating. I guess I'm being very flighty when this is a time for serious thoughts about the world we live in and all the damn bad that is going on world-wide with killings in Kenya and colleges in the good ole USA. However, sometimes you just need to breathe
a little and get past the heaviness around us so here I am being miss flighty and making it all about me.

I must say that I am finally getting used to who I am after being in hiding for so long and not knowing if I really liked myself, but I'm getting their with the help of those 30 something guys who are really nice and build my ego. One of them, in particular, is very special to me and I think I may have hurt him last week when I said we could talk on the phone but I couldn't see him. What he truly did not understand about me is that I will not allow someone to walk over me, use me or disrespect me. To stand me up and not even care to send a text, or call and say "hey I can't make it" is to disrespect me. What confuses me about men is that they don't get it: when you're just friends or even close friends doesn't mean that you can ignore respecting that friend's time or them. If you make arrangements to meet and then you can't then own up to it and say you can't no excuse or explanation necessary just the courtesy of a call/text. It's just that simple, but just too complicated for men to understand -- go figure. Well I love him and want the best for him, but we're finished.

More to come on another day......